Its been a while but...Do you feel it too?

I write today, with much on my heart, a feeling un like most, a heaviness, a tug, an uneasy disturbance, an immense ache in my spirit and heart...do you feel it too?
I see a girl doing what she can to just be seen, its like I see her crying out NOTICE ME!!! as if she thinks she could ever be invisible...she cant she is too precious and worth too much to be something people do not see, she doesn't need to show more skin or catch someones eye, she doesn't need to speak unholy words and wear a fake disguise, she can just be her self and a beauty will unveil but there is that ache...do you feel it too?
I see a guy believing that he is worth less and that his lot in life is to just attend the daily grind, the 9 to 5, a job he hates or has just settled for and a church he isn't fully passionate about or committed to so he floats...and there's that ache...do you feel it too?
I see a child who tries so hard to get their parents just to say "I'm proud" but trying, trying and trying they keep going till life isn't fun and free anymore...what child hood is this?...stop trying baby because God is always proud of you...an ache...do you feel it too?
I see a friend give everything they could into a relationship only to come out broken hearted, the mutual care and respect wasn't there, it just wasn't...there and yet it hurts bcause it could have been avoided by better choices...listening to the warnings from friends and the nudge in their spirit...oh it aches...do you feel it too?
It isnt an anger, its not disdain, its the ache of a Love so Real, in Pain...not just from any old somebody but a Father truly in Pain. In pain for His children, in pain for their suffering and their loss but if only we would have listened to his warnings the pain wouldn't be as much. as usual though we know best and we follow our own path, we choose the easy road the one that seems the best. yet even though we disobey and close our ears to wisdom He still mends all the broken hearts and a bright future to each is given . What a father, what a God, His heart we cannot describe except with words like ache and tug and a heavy painful sigh...
Father you give so much more then we can comprehend, you watch and wait and cry and ache just waiting to help and mend. An honour it is to feel what you feel even if only a small dose, may I serve your heart well, as you break my heart, for what breaks yours the most.
Teach me oh God, teach me what to do, when my heart aches for those around me...one question is left...do you feel it too?

Curious?

I am....often Curious,
to how much God loves me, if he does at all, is he tangible...not just in my head and heart but Real and Active in my life? then when I wonder these things he does it again!
Does something Amazing and totally ALL God!
ok so heres what happened, but first a little background about me and why this would mean so much...
I love perfume and hate smelling bad...I have this thing that I call B.O.aphobia :) I know it sounds funny but I reckon its totally real! :) oh and just a peice of random info...my two favourite perfumes are "Curious" - Britany Spears and "Pure Poison" - Dior.
Back to the story...I was in a shop a few weeks ago and I hadnt brought perfume in ages....I was looking at them all, and saw Curious sitting there for an alright price, but alas a price I didnt feel I should spend on perfume. So I left the store a little down heartended and let up a little prayer in the back of my mind "God if you want me to have some please give me the money" and left it at that. A week or so later I went to a prayer meeting and came home really happy and peaceful. Then my mum pointed to my perfume bottles on my windowsill asking me why I had them up there cause its "bad for the perfume". I replied that they were empty and I just like the way they look. She then said "no there not. not that one" and pointed to the "Curious" bottle. I then argued for a little while trying to explain that I remembered the very last drop and how sad I was to spray the very last spray. She then gave me the bottle and as I took a look I saw inside that beautiful blue glass bottle....Half full....Perfume.....Curious.
I was gob smacked!!!! how? I told her I swear it was empty! She then smiled and we tried to remove the lid in hopes for an explination but there was none...the lid could not be removed without ruining the bottle. God had re-filled my perfume :) When telling this to a collegue of mine she commented and said "he didnt give you the money for it cause you wouldnt have spent it on perfume" the truth is that she is right...I wouldnt. I would have found some other more "practical" use of my money. God knows me :)
He knows the way I think, what makes my heart glad and what can bring a smile to my face.
My God Loves me.
And you know what?
He Loves You Too...think about it.

Im Missing You...

In awe of you and with complete adoration I sit and Cry. My Heart sings because my mouth has no words worthy of such beauty and majesty.

Its been a while Lord. The Busyness of life has captured my attention yet again I have strayed from you. My heart has never been and will never be moved but my gaze has been taken...taken away. You are my Heart and I long to sit in your stillness and soak in your presence...

You reminded me of a vision you gave me long ago...a breakfast bar with tall stools, a marble bench top and a large house with many rooms...blue/grey light surrounding it all and a beautiful morning. Down the stairs comes a girl full of the business of life going from one room to another getting ready for her day and in each room there you stand, arms outstretched saying "sit with me a while". She ignores your requests thinking I have no time...but yet when she does have time you still receive her. With an excitement just because she stopped her day to spend a moment with you...

How many times have I done just this Lord? How many times have you waited on me when it should be me waiting on you...?

I'm sorry.
You deserve better.

This vision helps me to understand how you feel when I hear you say "I'm missing you"

What is my response?....I'm missing you too Jesus.

I will wait on you...
My Jesus.

Relationships Revelation!

Because I'm being single for this year some things have been brought to my attention (by God) so I would like to share them with you... one is that I need to be learning how to be good FRIENDS with guys. It's a lesson that I need to re-learn. I used to have no problems with this and hang out as me and the guys easily with no thoughts or worries but it seems that it is not the case anymore. Being single this year and being "not allowed" to date will help me learn this lesson. I'm kinda in a safe place to re-learn this...being friends only and OK with it type of thing. One thing Ive learnt about myself is...that if I have a "God set goal" I WILL achieve it and wont fail at it because that would mean disobedience to God and I really and truly cannot handle that. I love God so much and am such a for lack of a better term..."goody good" that I cant disappoint Him. Not because of a fear of what he would do to me like punish me or something like that but because I simply Love to do His will and follow His commands. :)
So why am I bring this all up? well Ive had a revelation to do with male and female interaction...yes that's right! A revelation! I was talking to a friend of mine the other night about guys and girls being friends and we were talking about the fact that these days its not as common...(esp in Christian Circles) it seems that when a guy and a girl hang out it is either seen as something is going to happen between them or that people don't know what your motives are. Its like the level of trusting people to make their own decisions is being forgotten and people are trying to control and "help" others in who they should hang out with and who they should date etc...I am not saying that as a friend if you have reservations that you shouldn't talk to your friend about it. I know that a lot of what goes on is often done with right motives...caring for your friends when you know that guy isn't the best influence or that you might know that the girl isn't doing to great with God and you don't want your friend to get hurt or fall away from God but instead of talking about it to someone else because we "care" so much maybe we should approach our friends about it personally instead? I know this is something I am learning...God has really challenged me on gossiping about others and also about forcing or receiving false attraction...I mean how often is it that your friends with someone and you don't see anything there except friendship and then people say "oh you two are sooo cute together" or "man you would make a hot couple" and suddenly you look at them with a different light??? I think this sucks because how many times does it work out? not many! I don't want to be responsible for putting people together who do not match on a deeper level. My suggestion is take a page out of a really amazing friend of mines book...here's what happened with us...We had been friends for ages and then one day years down the track he said to me "oh...by the way I used to like you"...I was gobsmacked that he told me cause he was engaged! Thoughts flooded my head like "why are you telling me this?", "why only now?" and "uh...your engaged!!!" but then he told me something that I will honour and respect him for the rest of my life! he said "yeah I used to but I decided to pray about it and not tell you and God showed me that although we were great friends and its not like it would never of worked out, you were going in one direction and I was going in another...one of us would have had to let go of our dreams to follow a similar direction as the other and I know I would never want you to stop going after your dreams and you would never want me to stop going after mine so I let you go" (he is happily married to an amazing woman who has the same job as him and same passions by the way!) what he did honoured me so much! you see to me this is the BEST way of figuring stuff out...1) be friends...good friends 2) if you start to like them...don't tell them straight away! don't act just a a random feeling! but 3) PRAY!!! and look at both of your lives...do they compliment each other? 4) is there a mutual respect for one another? :) such a good thing to do oh and with the challenge of me about allowing myself to be friends with guys, not fear what people might say, to trust that I know what my promise to God is this year, that people need to trust me too and once that promise is fulfilled that they need to trust that I have a wise enough head on my shoulders to make my own choices...well I'm learning :) and by learning I mean really learning...The other night like I said a friend of mine and I were talking about all of this and especially me being friends with Guys and my fears etc were brought up, blah blah but then we started talking about the difference between friendship and more. I used to tease him when he would say he was the one txting me all the time and asking me what I was doing etc and that I should do more of that and I usually joked with him using the answer "well its the guys job to make the moves" never in a you like me so chase me kind of way...we are friends and that's it but that's what I would joke about as an excuse for my laziness in not being a great friend. He then said to me "why is it that the guy always has to do the chasing? why cant the girl do it?" and the answer that came out of my mouth made so much sense that I knew it had to be one of those GOD REVELATIONS :) I'm not this wise! lol although I didn't let me friend know that Id only just come up with it then lol I said " because from the beginning of the friendship/relationship developing into more you have to establish your roles...the female submits and the guy leads...a guy chasing and making the moves isn't supposed to be about work its about leading...so when a guy chases and makes dates etc he is leading!" :) WOW!!!! that's all I can say! lol it makes so much sense..its why marriages break up, their roles got screwed up, they lost mutual respect for each other, they lost their place in the relationship. and hey girls don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with having a mind of your own and being a strong woman but their is nothing more attractive to a guy and more stronger then a woman who can know when to shut up and submit. To stop forcing your thoughts on your man and accept that they are in charge. That takes trust, courage and strength and we are designed with those qualities within us...and men...you stepping up, taking the lead, being humble about it, accepting the responsibilities that go with it and being "the man" is so inspiring and completely attractive!
so there...after that lengthy Blog (sorry my bad) that is my revelation!
Men chasing us girls is Men Leading! yay!
bring on the healthy male/female friendships I say! lets not let satan ruin it by gossip and false attraction! :)

make friends,
be wise,
take time and
have fun!

bless ya!

Yellow flower

upon my desk you sat,
in your shiny plastic wrap,
green stem, green middle,
going brown, but only a little,
you made me smile as I stared at your face,
a pale yellow I did embrace,
a yellow smile, making it a yellow day,
you make things better in your own lovely way,
given you were, by someone I knew
the timing couldnt have been more perfect by who...?
thats right, your more then just a flower on my desk
your a reminder of Love, from the one who Loves me best!


Thank you Jesus
for using someone to bless me and in turn giving me a bit of sun on what seemed to be a pretty cloudy day.

"Not The Way I Thought"

You cant put God in a box. He NEVER does things the same way and he ALWAYS changes things around or answers your prayers in the most interesting and "Not The Way I Thought" ways...
One morning I had prayed a small prayer not even out loud...just in my head..."God can you please tell me what you think of me today...
The whole day went by and then that night some friends and I were praying and they ended up praying for me. Now a lot of the time as Christians we look for God to speak through someone and say things to us that fit and make us feel good about a situation or about ourselves etc so part of me thought hey maybe God will speak through someone tonight and then BANG! he spoke straight to me! lol with Joe Cocker song!
I just suddenly in amongst the prayers of my friends heard the most beautiful words sung from Gods heart into mine...expressing how he viewed me and what he thought of me...they were...

You are so beautiful to me,
You are so beautiful to me, Can't you see,
Your everything I hoped for,
Your everything I need,
You are so beautiful to me,

Such joy and happiness you bring,
Such joy and happiness you bring,
Like a dream,
A guiding light that shines in the night,
Heavens gift to me,
You are so beautiful to me

AWESOME HUH?

and the cool thing was I laughed cause he told me the song and then when i shared what it was with the girls, one of them had it on their phone so I got to just sit and soak in it and listen as if Jesus were singing that to me!
God is so amazing! he truly has shown me HE LOVES ME this year and I cant wait for more moments to write about!

I hope this encourages and blesses you!
Just know that it doesn't only have to happen to me because I know God or cause it happened to her so it wont to me...I encourage you to ask God to show you His love in a new way...He will just be willing to see it come in a "Not The Way I Thought" way :)

Bless you.

Accidentally Anointed?

OK so a quick run down...Gods been asking me to let him Romance me, so I thought I'd give it a go and here is one of the many outcomes of this for 2010...

I usually wake up in the mornings with a song in my head. Majority is Christian songs which I'm glad of but every now and then I get a non-christian song melodically making its way through my mind. Most of the time...being the "christian"that I am I tend to try and push it out of my mind, sing a worship song to cover it up or in some way ignore the song because, naughty me has woken up with "the world" in my mind. One particular morning I woke up with a very specific song in my head and while trying to push it away I felt God say to me "cant I use this to speak to you?". I stopped and listened and thought maybe, just maybe he could? Now in order for you to understand why I might of had THIS song in my head you need to know that some friends of mine and I had bought tickets to the Backstreet Boys Concert, we're big fans from back in the day...and leading up to the concert we had been preparing ourselves by remembering old songs and learning new ones...couldn't let those young'ns get away with knowing more then us seasoned professionals now could we?! NO! I am a big fan of a good, well written and heart felt Love Song but I don't usually think, well at least not straight away...of GOD (Almighty, Great and Powerful Man in the Sky) singing one to ME. So like I was saying...I had woken up with a song in my head and it goes a little something like this:

"I'll never break your Heart,
I'll never make you cry,
I'd rather die,
Then live without you,
I'll give you All of me
Honey that's No Lie."

Another quick background of me is -divorced parents, broken heart from failed relationships-

When I felt like God was saying these words to me and using a Backstreet Boys song to speak right into my spirit I was floored. It made me want to laugh and cry at the same time and it made me feel so loved and definitely romanced. Now those of you reading this who have accepted Jesus into your hearts and have a real and tangible relationship with him will understand a little more of why this song may be so special but if you don't...let me explain why it meant so much to me...lets break it down...

"I'll Never Break Your Heart"- Truth is God is perfect. He will truly and completely NEVER break your heart, because the Love that he has for you is beyond anything you could ever try to comprehend!

"I'll Never Make You Cry"- The only times Ive ever Cried when it comes to Jesus is when I have Completely realised what he did on the cross for me, who he is in my life and where my life would be without Him...He has Never made me cry out of pain from something he did to me...like I said he's Perfect.

"I'd Rather Die"- He Did...Jesus Died on the Cross to take our sin upon himself and you wanna know why?....so that we could have a Relationship with Him...so that we could be Romanced by Him...Loved by Him...Protected by Him...so that We could Know Him!

"Then Live Without You"- like I said...Relationship...thats the simple Truth. the most beautiful and simple truth is that he would rather have suffered and died in our place then not have us in His life!How Amazing!

"I'll Give You All Of Me"- What more can you give then your life??? What bigger expression of True and Pure Love can you give then your Life?

"Honey, That's No Lie"- Once again...he is NOT a Liar. He IS Perfect though:)

so...Romanced story number 1...God taking a simple Backstreet Boys song and using it to change my life and my view of how much He Loves Me and How Much He Loves Us...
maybe the Backstreet Boys are...
Accidentally Anointed?
or
is it really an Accident???

think about it.